Some Changes

Now, this is a bit awkward for me. I don't really know how to talk about what is coming in our family. I have never used my blog as a journal (I keep that private in a real journal, and no Kyle, I will not tell you where!), but just a fun thing to share my life with family and friends.

But this is a time where our life is not just going to be fun. There is a sad and difficult time coming in our family too, and I don't really know how to approach it with a blog. (Blogs didn't exist, at least in my world, 6 1/2 years ago when we went through this with Evan.) So I guess I will take this blog thing one step and one day at a time, which is what I am doing with the whole experience. And I finally feel capable of doing so. I may have hidden a little for the last few months to heal in private, and I feel like I really have. I feel stronger to handle my upcoming trial, and more grateful for the life of my son, regardless of how short that life will be. I am sure it is partly due to the prayers and kind words of everybody. So thank you for that.

This was Maddie's beautiful girl nursery. It was my favorite room in the house because I love pink and it was pretty.

To be completely honest, I wasn't sure about repainting and redesigning the entire nursery for Baby Boy. We don't know how much time he will be with us (the best estimate is Evan's lifetime, which was five weeks), we don't know how much of that time will be in the hospital (I am fighting with doctors and hospitals right now to make it as short as possible), and when he IS home he will probably be right next to me in my bed. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was pack up Evan's empty nursery that I had worked so hard to make absolutely perfect and beautiful.

However, Josh insisted that if we promised to give him the best, happiest, most loving life of dignity, he needs his own nursery. And no boy can have dignity in a pink room. There must be sports and balls everywhere. It must be all male, and a real "Man Room." It took me a while to feel like I could do it without it being too sad, and we did it, and made it a cheerful act of service for him. Karen & Juli Harris, also happy to serve their grandson/nephew, came and helped paint the walls too.

And, oh boy, Maddie just loved to "help" paint her brother's room too. Yikes.

We picked the most cheerful color of blue (which borders obnoxious). And I am so grateful that Josh pushed me to do this. We sit in the room and talk about our boys and our family, and it is a very peaceful and loving place to be. It is still my favorite room in the house.