Heartbreaking and Heartwarming at the Same Time.

I have never been so grateful for the incredible abilities of ultrasound machines until I saw this picture of our soon to be baby boy Harris. At the very same moment, I felt overwhelming joy and sadness, which is pretty much how you can describe my whole pregnancy. This picture immediately dissolved any resentment I felt towards having to go through miserable and LONG pregnancies and not getting to keep my babies and raise them. In a long term perspective, it seems like such a small sacrifice to make for the life - no matter how short - of someone as beautiful as this little boy. It also helped dissolve some of the fear I have for when this little guy finally arrives. Right now, he is safe in my huge tummy, and I can take care of him and everything he needs. When he comes, I know I will feel the helplessness of not being able to save him. But at the same time, I will get to hold him and enjoy all of the things that make newborn babies so special, and he will be able to feel the love his family has for him. Again, it is overwhelmingly heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.

(And for anyone else who is confused about why he has a pacifier and lobster claw - like Josh - that is just a placenta or chord or something else gross like that.)