Cutest Husband Ever

Josh took this picture of himself taking the early morning feeding shift. He was trying to drum up sympathy. Although my husband looks absolutely adorable in this picture, he did not get any sympathy from me. His life is still very cool. And I am grateful for that. He has been too busy to become jealous that I am in love with another guy.  :o)

Josh's band got to play at a lawyer's convention in Petco Park. How rock star is that?

While they were in San Diego, they found time to eat at our favorite restaurant and take a sail around the harbor. WHY DO I NOT LIVE THERE?!?!?!

And he took a day trip to cheer for the Giants in the playoffs. Again, WHY DO I NOT LIVE THERE?!?!?!

Although we are both sleepy (Josh now takes the late night shift), we are both incredibly happy. We are just so excited to share our lives with another child. Because life is good, you know?

The Lady and the Tramp

Remember that adorable puppy that I loved more than life itself? Yeah.....neither do I. I brought my sweet baby Jack home from the hospital and realized very, very quickly that I have complete hatred and contempt in my heart for Angus. And Angus realized very, very quickly that if he wants to keep on living this life he better stay far, far away from that new little thing that squeaks. It is NOT a squeaky puppy toy. He learned that the mom who sort of thought his naughtiness was cute was no longer here. He was now messing with a mama bear who would protect her baby cub at all costs. 

Angus "got to" spend a week on a "doggy vacation" because he was too crazy. When he came back, it was done with great humility and a temperament change. He now sits near (but not TOO near) Jack and guards him loyally. I have to keep reminding myself of the movie "The Lady and the Tramp" and make an effort to show kindness to Angus. And I remind myself that in 6 months, when Angus is older and more calm, and Jack is older and more bored, they will be the best of friends.

Make sure you register for one of these at Babies-R-Us.

The must-have baby accessory is an 8 year old daughter. She is amazingly loving and affectionate, but more importantly completely competent. She holds the neck just right, understands when I have to sit on the couch for hours at a time to breastfeed, is excited to run and grab things to help, and is grateful for a sibling.

Here is Maddie holding her baby brother for the very first time. I'm not sure how to explain the bangs. But I love these two pictures.

It is so helpful and fun to have a partner as excited about a baby as I am. She loves to push the stroller and go to the doctor appointments with me.

She was very enthusiastic to help with Jack's first bath. She wants to know how to do everything "all by herself."

She likes to pick out his clothes and style his hair. I'm just waiting to come in and see her dressing him up like a little doll with painted nails or something. As long as they are both entertained and not crying, and as long as dad doesn't see, I will just look the other way.  :o)

 Maddie loves having a little buddy to watch cartoons with her. I remember spending hours doing the same thing with my siblings. It's great sibling bonding time!

Joyous Jack

I am amazed at how much joy I feel. With Evan I felt exhaustion, confusion, and grief. With Maddie I felt paranoia and fear. With Charlie I felt an unbearable amount of sadness. With my little Jack Man - I feel complete and total joy. All day and all night, I am just full of joy and energy and gratitude. I can't describe the feeling I have when I get to hold him and love him and feed him and change him. Maybe I don't have to? Maybe that's the feeling every other parent always feels?

All I know is I'm having a blast. I feel great. I'm happy to not be stuck on my couch anymore. Me and Jack are just living it up. My sister yells at me at least once a day to take and share more pictures. But you know what? I am just enjoying being with my little guy. I'm not concerned about getting pictures. With Charlie, I wasn't worried about getting pictures, I was worried about enjoying every moment. And now I don't regret not getting more pictures. I only regret not getting more time. So Jamie, if you don't get a new picture every hour on the hour, just know that it means that I am sitting somewhere, happily holding my bundle of joy.

Here he is just playing it cool.

I parted his hair to make him look like a dork.

When he is awake, he never holds still. He likes to sit on my desk and "help."

Chilling.

First trip to the park.

Looking very studious.

Class clown.

Anxious to leave the hospital.

Getting burped by dad.

Ready to go home!

Jack Bonovox Thomas Harris - October 1 - 5 lbs 14 oz

Wow. I posted that last post "If you build it he will come" to let the world know I was ready for the baby, and then the baby came! The next day the contractions started up again and they didn't stop. I knew it was time but I also knew that I needed to finish my 20 page research paper for law school. So I sat at my computer until 1:30 am refusing to go to the hospital even though my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. The next day I woke up and the contractions were gone again. Phew. But on Sunday, Maddie begged/guilt tripped me into going to see her in the Primary Program at church. So I went and sat near the front so I could see her. And suddenly I got very hot and started sweating like crazy. And then the contractions came back with a vengeance. And since my paper was done I agreed to go into the hospital when Josh insisted. Here is my Maddie girl being VERY excited that we were going to the hospital and might be coming back with a baby brother.

That night was long. The doctor on call tried to send me home twice, but I now know how to be a pushy patient. So I insisted that he keep me longer to monitor how the baby was handling the contractions. And when I saw some weird stuff on the baby's heart monitor I pointed it out to him and made him call my doctor. My doctor said he would come in and check me himself because, and I quote, "She's complicated." I'm lucky I have an OB who respects me and treaded carefully around my pregnancy. He called my baby the "million dollar baby" because he knew how long and hard I had to fight for him and what a miracle he was. My doctor decided to induce me when he saw the weird stuff on the baby's monitor. So he started the patosin and I sat and contracted and stayed at a 3 forever because the baby wasn't fully turned head down. But I got my epidural (always ask early!) and just kept waiting. As you can imagine, I didn't get any sleep that night. I looked over at Josh peacefully sleeping on the "Dad Bed" with envy.

Josh brought Maddie in that morning before school to say hello. Mom's are wonderful actresses. I pretended I wasn't in pain the whole time Maddie was there. She was so excited to go to school and tell everyone she was getting a baby brother that day.

After Josh left to take Maddie to school, the doctors decided to break my water because it was taking too long and the baby still hadn't turned. But I warned them that as soon as they break my water I progress very fast. So I called Josh and told him that he didn't get a smoothie that day and to hurry the heck up. Literally 15 minutes later he walked in and I was ready to push. That's how fast I went from a 3 to a 10. (I love epidurals.) One push and then there was this little pink blur screaming at everyone. I have never had a pink screaming baby come out of me! But he was pink and moving and screaming and it was making me cry. He was healthy! But when I looked at the doctor, he looked very nervous. He showed us the tight knot in the umbilical cord and said the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck too. If he had been in my stomach much longer we likely would have lost him. I have never been more grateful for my stupid, irritable uterus and my preterm contractions.

I have to admit that it was about a half hour after Jack joined this world that I believed that (1) he was real, (2) he was healthy, and (3) he was mine. When I realized all of that, I was overcome with tears of joy. I love this picture because we are both looking at him in total wonder. When you think about how he was THE LAST EMBRYO out of about 50, and even then the doctor didn't think he was a good quality embryo, the miracle of his life is just plain crazy. 

After school, Maddie got to come and meet her baby brother for the first time. What a sweet, gentle big sister she is!

My mom took this picture right after they handed Jack to me. I love it because I look so incredibly proud and surprised. That was my true emotion at the time! It sort of reminds me of the scene in the Lion King when the proud parents hold up their little prince for the world to see and rejoice with them. :o)

If you build it, he will come.

Okay, okay. The nursery is all ready. Josh insisted that this nursery be a "man room." Which means no frills, no curtains, keep it simple and clean. He also insisted on a sports theme. I did hang the frames with ribbon, but I'm hoping he won't notice. I would like to point out that the wall color is actually VERY blue, but somehow it appears purple in the pictures. I would also like to point out that Josh took FOREVER to decide what stadiums to include in the four hanging frames. Therefore, I made an executive decision. Because he is a man, he probably won't even notice that there are frames on the wall anyway.

I have never been so prepared before. All the clothes and blankets have been washed and sorted according to size. The closet and drawers have been perfectly organized. The pacifiers and breast pump have been sanitized. I even remembered to buy breast pads, Tucks, overnight pads, and a squirt bottle! Josh won't have to do the "oh crap I forgot" middle of the night embarrassing run to the pharmacy this time!

Josh and I are still trying to convince ourselves that it is real. Just to show an example of how jaded we are, Maddie said last night, "If this baby dies can I have that couch in my room?" Um.....sure Maddie.

And yes, we are still arguing over the baby's name.

Miss Madeline London OR Maddie Stinker Pants OR The Madster.com

Miss Madeline London always comes into my office and takes over. She says she is a lawyer "or something like that" and wants some clients "whatever that means." She has organized my paperclips, lined up my staples, shredded all my trash, and done all my filing, so I'm running out of ideas. I'm not as good at coming up with busy work as my mom used to be when I went to HER office and wanted to be a helper twenty years ago.

Maddie-Stinker-Pants still likes being a kid though. She built a massive blanket fort with her Dad in my living room. Angus, being a terror, kept trying to storm the castle. Maddie finally got "smart" about it and made a sign saying, "No Dogs Aloud." For some reason, Angus didn't obey the sign and continued to harass her. He has been a great trainer to Maddie on what to expect with a pesky little brother.

The Madster.com also got to go see "Wicked" with her Aunt Kristina. (Although they look like they could be sisters!) This is her second theater show at The Smith Center in Las Vegas. I still have not seen one. And every time she goes to a show there, she sees a whole bunch of her friends and has a whole social life. Is Maddie an adult in the office? A kid in a blanket fort? Or a teenager with a social life? I'm not sure, but I like having her around either way.  :o)

Still chugging along....

Yeah, I still have a brain. Barely. Everyone who has been pregnant knows that the old mother's tale about "pregnancy brain" isn't just an old mother's tale. It's for real. My intelligence and ambition go down more than a few notches. Add on top of that the whole bedrest curse, and the fact that I'm still chugging along in law school is just incredibly impressive to myself.  :o)

I am incredibly annoyed with how long my law school is dragging on. Part time online law school is incredibly flexible for my mommy duties and traveling gene. But gosh dang, IT TAKES FOREVER. I will be the first to admit that I spent a lot of time on websites like ihatelawschool.com this year. Josh had to convince (more like beg/threaten) me to keep going. Let me tell you, when you are trying not to throw up and feel like every bit of energy has been sucked out of you, you could freaking care less about the Federal Rules of Evidence.

But somehow I kept going, and I am almost completely done with this year (well ahead of schedule so that I can ignore it completely when the baby comes). Then I will only have ONE MORE YEAR left!!! And my final year will be the lightest load. I am so happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel people!

Here's Hoping.....

Well.....I'm a month away. Yup, I actually made it this far.

A year ago, you couldn't have convinced me that this was going to happen. And to tell you the truth, I'm still not 100% convinced. Josh and I made a decision a few years ago to be as normal as possible. We thought we were doing quite well for a couple who has been through what we have been through, but moments like this make us realize that maybe we are still a little bit weird. Or maybe not. Maybe our reality is just so different from everyone else's?

All I know is that there is still a part of me that worries that I will have to pack up a perfectly new, unused nursery yet again. And a part of me is relieved that there is still an empty spot next to Evan and Charlie's resting spot "just in case" we need it. And a part of me is figuring out where we would move and what my career goals will be if suddenly we don't have to make a space for a little guy in our life. This probably seems completely crazy to everyone else. But to me, I have done these things numerous times. It's not that crazy when it's been my reality for years and years.

I know, I know. I'm almost there. I need to chill out. Positive thoughts. Believe me, I get it. 99% of me is very logical and hopeful, but that 1% is still incredibly uncertain and cynical. You would think that I would shut off my emotions and not get too attached, just to protect my sad little momma heart. But the truth is that I'm not like that. I am already in love with this little guy who beats and kicks me all day and all night. I fantasize about dressing him up in all these onsies that I bought (despite my uncertainties) and changing his diapers. And giving him baths and feeding him in the middle of the night. I look forward to having a little one in the house again and bringing joy and craziness to my family. I am very hopeful that I get to have that experience. I really, really want to keep this one.

Here's hoping......

The Little People

Maddie is studying up again on how babies are made and why it takes so long for them to grow in the mommy's tummy. She sure has been patient. Being on bedrest sucks so bad. Not just for me, but for the entire family. Having a mom that is useless isn't very fun. I'm glad she is at least old enough to understand why and hopefully she won't hold it against me.

Because I'm stuck on my couch, I had to miss my family reunion. But Maddie still got to go and apparently had an absolute blast. Josh was VERY proud to hear that she was the only girl who played wiffle ball with the boys. 

For someone who is pretty grossed out by animals, I sure am a sucker for my pets. Our turtle, "Fluffy" is a nice little soul. He just wanders around the back yard and eats all my flowers. I occasionally find his large turds (usually in the mouth of Angus....a whole other story), but otherwise he is the easiest pet to take care of. We love looking out the window and seeing him saunter by. He is actually quite social for a turtle. If he hears us outside, he walks straight up to us and just hangs out. Josh and Maddie fight over who gets to feed him because it's so funny to watch him devour a pear. 

Angus is such a joy in my life. Despite the months of cleaning his accidents in the house, I adore this stinky little fuzzball. Who knew? He suddenly turned a corner and doesn't go to the potty in the house anymore or attack Maddie. He is suddenly "well behaved." I put it in quotes because he is still a little terror. He is very much like a pesky little brother who purposely annoys people. Particularly Maddie and Fluffy. I find it absolutely hilarious. And I love how he comes and sits right next to me all day until Maddie gets home. He is my loyal companion and I am grateful.

Swiss Family Harrisses

Maddie got to go to Midway with her cousins and grandparents for the big annual Swiss Days. Of course, she wore her dirndl that we bought in Switzerland a few years ago. Josh and I both have Swiss ancestry, so Maddie is very proud of her Swiss blood.

Gosh, she is a cute little Swiss artist.