Josh and I realized the other day that if we had a kid for every time I have been pregnant or miscarried or tried to get pregnant, our family would consist of an 8 year old (Evan), 6 year old (Maddie), 4 year old, 3 year old, 2 year old, and 1 year old (Charlie). We would have SIX children! It's no wonder that in my mind I have a large family and am always just a little surprised when people ask, "Is she your only child?" and I answer, "Yup."
So here I am again, packing my suitcase and vainly attempting to schedule flights and babysitters and rental cars and doctor appointments, to embark on my seventh attempt at adding to my family. Oh, how I hate to be pregnant. I feel like I have either been pregnant or trying to get pregnant my entire adult life! :o) My greatest struggle right now is walking the tight rope between hope and reality. Everyone seems so excited that I'm "going to have a child again," but please excuse me if I have just a hint of cynicism on my face. Five times I have been so very happy and excited and hopeful, and I have had those hopes dashed and my heart broken every time. And each time I have had to find a way to pick myself back up, dust myself off, find a way to be happy and fulfilled, and figure out who I am without that baby on my hip. So I'm walking that ever so thin tight rope between being happy, hopeful and having positive thoughts, and being realistic, strong and cautious with my heart.
Having said that, I guess Josh and I are natural optimists at heart. Because despite our past, we bought these cute little onsies for good luck and are already starting the exhausting fight over baby names.....
9 comments:
Our thoughts and prayers are with you in whatever happens!! I would wish too that you would have some more beautiful babies to run you ragged, but also admire your ability to remain optimistic and hopeful!
We are praying for you and your family! You are a strong woman to have survived through all that you have.
It hard not to be excited for you guys! I understand, but cannot comprehend, this amazing thing you are doing. Hope for you a great flight and lots of positivity on our end. Love the little outfits!
Good luck! Sending lots of fertility waves your way. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!
Sending love and prayers your way. I'm continually amazed reading your posts at what a strong person you are. I'm very excited for you to try again! I'm crossing my fingers for you! :)
You are an amazing writer Rachel...you express yourself so well. We really hope this round is successful for you guys! Here's hoping for LOTS of good embryos that STICK!!!
Fingers and toes crossed for you guys!!! Well, lots of happy thoughts and prayers too. :)
And wouldn't MAddie have been a twin? :)
Stacey, that is hilarious! I forgot about Maddie's "twin."
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